Who else can make a true bold move by dropping the popular “relaxed”, “just-threw-this-thing-together-on-the-go” vibe and go full-on regal if not Nicole Kidman?
In order to help humans feel good about themselves in any form, society needs to embrace all sizes and shapes (heights, weights, bodily limitations, injuries have to become socially accepted), not just plus-size. But plus-size models breakthrough is a huge step nonetheless, so let’s enjoy.
Been scrolling through this comedian blog (it’s not as much fun as discussions of comedy as a profession), and this guy Jerry Corley offered a few tips regarding getting serious with the craft. His advice is basically the essence of my own perception of working hard enough on a business or an occupation/aspiration.
I will generalize and broaden his points, the original advice can be found here.
1. List what you want to achive.
Create the list of all the things you want to do within your profession. Break each into steps. Look at one step at a time. Write down all the measures you need to introduce in order to proceed withthe step. Write down what do you need to introduce those measures. Write down how you can get what you need. Go in detail until you arrive to the point where you have a detailed map of what you have to do from this second on until the goal is achieved. Have plan B. And plan B for your plan B. Which gets us to the next point:
2. Be persistent.
Be persistent with your goals. Nobody gets things done at first attempt. You try and you try again and the patience, energy and commitment that you demonstrate define whether you have what it takes to become a seasoned professional or you are just undermotivated to go down that road. Then better find something you can truly commit to and won’t have to try as hard to stay focused.
3. Engage in your profession every day.
Do your writing/singing/exercising/knitting/analyzing/coding/translating/whatever-it-is-that-your-are-doing every single day. Do it because you enjoy it. I don’t actually have to tell you this. If you love something, you will keep doing it, keep practising, keep getting better.
Tailor your schedule so that you have couple hours for your beloved activity/business/profession. Dedicate the time and effort.
Jerry Corley recommends to make at least 10 phone calls per day for your profession – not just emails, phone calls! Imagine how much contacts, personal exposure, communication skills, and promotion that would get you?
7. Figure out how exactly you can earn money with this.
“Diagram the various ways you can earn money and game plan how to break into that market,” advises Corley.
8. Be ready for press.
“Do you have a press kit ready to go NOW? Right NOW?” asks Corley. And reasonably so. He knows perfectly well that once you are selling something you have to be able to provide samples. RIGHT NOW. Have all things promotion-related fully ready to go and handy.
“Do you go to mics at least 3 times a week and exchange numbers with other comedians and audience members?” reminds Corley. Mix with the people in your profession, go to professional events, conferences and seminars, get contacts and don’t be a stranger!
I just faced a choice – to risk being misunderstood by telling the truth or lie and get what I want for sure at the cost of undermining the trust in the relationship. I made the though choice to tell the truth.
I knew it was the right way to behave, I knew I would feel guilty lying, but I also knew the risk that the other person would insist on not giving me what I wanted and, actually, really needed.
I can’t say I went full-on healthy coping way with taking that leap of faith in the other person’s desire to accomodate my needs, I actually rehearsed it and thought I might as well be able to convince them even if they would be reluctant at first.
But I chose to tell the truth nonetheless, and you know what? I was lucky to get a yes. But I’m not advising you to just trust other people or your ability to convince them using honest arguments, I want to share the relief, joy, and healthy self-esteem boost telling the truth gave me.
This behaviour resulted in me feeling more, much more confident, much more secure, a better person. It showed me that I had courage, that I was honest, it also nurtured the relationship, it did not take it to the superficial and dishonest level that a lie would have.
Look, I’m not going to preech honesty here, but I consider it healthy to assess the risks of telling the truth and lying in each case individually, and when in doubt always lean toward telling the truth. I can guarantee you that this choice will backfire at times when people won’t cooperate, but I can also guarantee, as a psychology professional, that this behaviour will also help you maintain your self-esteem, nurture a wholesome image of yourself and contribute to you feeling good about yourself – if they take your honesty for granted, it’s on them, but you did your best to show you respect the other person.
It’s not palpable and it’s not even real enough to take offence, but you know it’s there. And the fact that the harassment not quite there is what robs you of any control over it and any power to stop it.
Sometimes you can call out the offender, catching them red-handed. But often it feels like they are being polite, paying you a simple compliment, being nice, and you may be seeing things. So you don’t tell them right away.
Yet, the uncomfortable feeling won’t go away and you keep getting more and more upset with the person’s actions and words. But you can’t quite trace it, and you wish you could tell someone who would be on your side, instead of questioning your judgement.
You don’t really have much evidence and a person would actually have to have been there to see how the simple words meant a little more than they normally stand for.
And look at men not liking it that you are so reserved. With decades of practice, you are just so used to sending the NO signal that you are doing it with everyone before you know it.
Sure, action can be taken against people who are harassing openly. But most educated people these days realize very well that such behaviour would soon be noticed and punished. This is why they employ such subtle methods that one can barely notice them. The actions make you feel uncomfortable first and only after a while you realize they were harassment.
This is why I am always very shy to show my own emotions. What if I am harassing the person that I like? What if they don’t appreciate the attention? The receiving end of the sexual harassment is a horrific experience, and I wouldn’t want anyone I like to feel as trapped, as powerless, and as lonely, as I am.
Because what can you do, really? It’s barely there, it’s done purely out of boredom and sick, cruel ability to find fun in making me feel uncomfortable. I really wish I could tell someone.
by Maria Ivanova
To help you set boundaries, create a list of actions you are actually quitting. Put there things like “touching the subject of my desire”, “calling my ex-boyfriend”, “writing emails to my ex-girlfriend”, “googling it”, “looking at its facebook page”, “going to places that remind me of it”, “listening to music that reminds me of it”, “watching to movies A, B, C, and D”, etc.
You might feel tempted to include “thinking about them” on your quitting list, but don’t. Be your own friend. This list is designed to help you, not throw you under the bus. If you could stop thinking about it, we probably won’t be here today, would we? We are not Nazis here, the freedom of thinking is a human right.
It is vital to include minor actions on the list. The point is that you feel satisfied avoiding all those things or most of them. The easier, smaller things you include, the better you’d feel about yourself. You’d realize that you are pretty damn self-controlled human being at the end of the day. And even if you are slipping a bit, you are always able to look at the long list of things you did manage to quit today.
The list is the base for your sense of accomplishment. You did not just quit one thing, one activity, one person, one relationship, you quit a whole bunch of things.